In a country like Nigeria with more women than men, several young ladies want to get married fast without considering ethnic differences. The men seem not to mind. A lot of parents will have none of it. Meanwhile, many marriages have crashed like a pack of cards while a few have stood the test of time. The PANEL wants to get to the very root of the matter and here is our jamb question for this week:
Would you marry someone that is not from your tribe?
Marriage is an institution ordained by God when he created the world. Marriage has several facets: partnership, fruitfulness, multiplication, replenishment, procreation, fulfilling certain life goals etc.
So, when one is about making a choice as regards who to marry, love and compatibility should be the key determining factors.
Love usually endures the test of time when there is compatibility. In other words, the compatibility of the partners usually sustains their love.
Compatibility is all encompassing as it covers the area of faith, character, beauty, mission and vision etc. These factors of compatibility should be considered, regardless of one’s tribal and ethnic affiliation.
When you have the same religious belief, there will be less likelihood for conflict and if there is any, it can be easily resolved due to the fact that both parties stems from similar background, hence reducing the probability of the failure of such marriage.
The beauty and strength of relationships is not just in the similarities but also in respecting the differences of each other and maximizing it to help each other succeed.
Hence, the character of the partner should be considered; questions like: Can I live the rest of my life happily with someone of such character? Can I continue to turn a blind eye to this kind of attitude? Does this character and attitude complement mine? Etc should be considered. And this should be without prejudice to culture and ethnicity
Mission and vision is extremely important in the choice of a life partner. In fact, this has nothing to do with ethnicity. If it is obvious to us that our mission, vision, passion and purpose aligns with each other, why then will I allow ethnicity to be a barrier?
Faith is of the heart and people of different faith exist in our diverse tribes, so it isn’t a tribal issue.
Character knows no tribe.
Beauty is void of culture; in fact it is in the eye of the beholder
Vision and passion is of the mind and it is entirely void of your source.
Really, I think tribal affiliation should not be considered at all in the determination of whom to marry, it’s a personal decision that should be void of such societal sentiments, So yes and yes and yes, I can marry a lady not from my tribe as long as we love each other and we are compatible.
Toluwase Ajibola-Thomas is a terrific young man with a tremendous creative flair and exceptional communication skills, reputable for critical thinking and team work, he is a creative writer, graphic designer and web designer, a blogger, editor-in-chief at project X, content developer and passionate for the gospel.
Personally, I believe that love and peace of mind should be the basis for marriage. Once you know that both of you are willing to make the marriage work, then you can get married despite the tribal differences.
It is less about tribal differences and more about the individuals. We’ve seen many couples from the same tribe break up their marriage after a couple of months.
They have the same language, the same way of life, and yet they still can’t cope with each other under the same roof. Some even allow their families and friends to cause a rift between them. Many allow sentiments and gossip to split their relationship even though they are of the same tribe. At the end of the day, it’s about the personalities of the couple and how willing they are to make the marriage work
Oni Oluyomi is a member of the PROJECT X crew, Team leader COUNT DOWN, a writer and entrepreneur who is passionate about inspiring people.
JUDE ATA ENE
The truth of the matter is that there are many things involved. Your maturity in your family, can you really face your parents and insist on the tribe you want to marry when they want someone from their tribe? Does the person you want to marry have the ability to convince her parents that the man is responsible and able to sponsor the marriage? Is the lady already pregnant for the guy?
There are a lot of issues surrounding marriages especially in Nigeria. Yoruba’s love marrying Yoruba’s, Igbos love marrying Igbo’s, Fulani’s would never marry outside Fulani, Hausa Christians can marry any tribe while Hausa Moslems would only marry an Hausa Moslem. Going forward, I think the issue of marriage should be based on Gods will, love, willingness to risk and maturity of the parties. Because when the chips are down it is you and your partner that would whether the storm together on the one hand and also your family would also be involved on the other when the storms seems to have swallowed you guys.
Like I said earlier, if the lady has demonstrated some level of maturity in the house, the family would give her out even if reluctantly to a guy outside her tribe. Let me also use this opportunity to state that it is not marriage that would foster unity in Nigeria oh, it is frank talk, dialogue etc because religion seems to be the core problem of disunity so until we dialogue on how to live (let the bird perch and let the vulture also perch) we would always be having disunity due to the two dominant religions in the country.
If I am in Jos today, I would not be scared to eat holy communion and worship in Redeem, even if The Reverend of the Parish is from Benue, likewise I would be more comfortable in Father Kukah ‘s house than El-rufAi’s even if the latter’s house would offer more comfort (being a govt house of a state). You may wish to point to the fact that in some Yoruba families they have members who practice both religions and yet they live peacefully, yea you are correct that has been due to tolerance and maturity. Until the North and South sit down to discuss how we would tolerate each other in a matured way, unity might just be another item on Nigeria’s wish list.
Jude Ata ENE is an Advocate, Volunteer and Political Analyst.
He has been advocating professionally since 2013 and has worked as a Legal Counsel in 2 International Law firms in Lagos Island. Between May and September 2012 He interned at the Edo State House of Assembly under the Legislative Internship (LIP) Programme of the Africa Leadership Forum (ALF) a premier Non-Governmental Organisation in Africa.
He has a Diploma and a Bachelor Degree in Law from the University of Abuja, Nigeria. He also possesses a Proficiency Certificate in Management from the Nigerian Institute of Management (NIM Chartered) and is a member of the Nigerian Institute of International Affairs, Lagos(NIIA). He has participated in online Courses by United Nations Institute of Training and Research (UNITAR) and trainings by LEAP Africa.
In addition to Advocacy, Jude Volunteers as a Volunteer Tutor for Volunteer Corps Ng a Non-Governmental Organisation in Lagos, Nigeria. Jude’s dream is to change the world (although not like Hitler), He loves reading, watches Football, lives in Nigeria and can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org
Due to the economic situation of the country, many ladies are desperate for marriage, they believe that they are their parents hope for a better life; they are being pressurized into getting married. This makes them jump at any marriage proposal that come their way which may sometimes lead to intertribal marriages e.g. Yoruba and Edo
It is true that no marriage can boast of not having had a problem at one point, some are able to stand the test of time while others are not, we’ve heard of celebrities, friends, relations and even clergies who had to divorce their spouses at one point or the other for different reasons.. We all heard about the Tiwa savage and Teebillz marriage saga (they are both from same ethnic groups) so are Olu jacobs and Joke silver but they are still together, we have Stephanie Okereke and Linus Okereke (different ethnic groups) but are still together.
So then i’ll say that it doesn’t really matter if the person you love is not from your tribe as long as God is involved in the relationship and it’s not just about money or power. Thank you